I have no idea how to even start this.
Blogging is such hard work. Everyday I have so many thoughts, so many things to write and never time to write it. So at the end of the week I am drowned by it and have no idea where to begin to record and process through words everything that is going on here.
I leave for outreach on December 2! This lecture phase has been a crazy challenge in so many ways and I've been stretched in way more ways than I ever anticipated. I'm learning about myself and God's character more through circumstances than lectures, in ways that I would have never ever expected. So many times I'd be asking God why on earth he called me to a place I feel lost in but somehow his grace was always sufficient. There were key points that stuck with me about the love of God, and the simplicity of the message from Dan Bauman was exactly what I needed to hear to carry me through this DTS. God never wants us to be confused. Confusion is not of Him. I struggled through unclarity, confusion, and unintentional apathy these past months and am still not completely free from it but day by day I learn more.
There was another glimpse of hope in my outreach meeting, when they mentioned they were needing a couple people to go to a home on the outskirts of the city we're staying in for December. For two weeks we would work with 1 amazing lady who took on 6 children who are physically and mentally handicapped. The description said we would "…just be a mom!" at this job. For the first time I felt like this could be a place I would feel like I belong.
When Bianca asked me last week one night what I wanted to do with my life, I could only think of one thing. I want to be a mother. I feel like this is a role crucially needed in this next generation. I strongly sense we are in end times and the children being born in the next 10 years will need to be raised intentionally, because of what they are going to be up against.
So until I become a mother I feel my place of ministry is in the area of serving children. Talking to them, learning from them, loving them, being there for them. Here I am Lord, send me.
After this I will be going to Japan for January and February doing God knows what (literally)! Our team has the most unusual dynamics and will make for an extremely interesting 3 months. We are mostly all introverts, and mostly not familiar with each other... at all. Haha.
Japan struggles greatly with depression, loneliness, and suicide. They are very materialistic and one of the richest, most advanced countries in the world! I will appreciate prayer that we can bring joy wherever we go and not be affected by the spirits around us since, that is highly probable.
We are most likely going to Tokyo where the lack of God is far too high for the amount of people there, much like the other closed country we are going to in December. However! The problem with each of these places for us is that they are very developed- and as a result very expensive. But we know the need for God's love and presence is high, and that our call to go is definite. He loves these people! I have to confess my first outreach location choice would certainly have been an inviting, warm, and exciting place like Thailand where they will be in the midst of elephants and the ocean. But God gave me a vision the second week here in Germany during a worship set. It was a vivid, precise, and long vision that I won't go into detail about, but it explained how there would be a team from our base bringing freedom through Christ to Japan. He would build a garden of his presence there. I saw us as a waving Japanese flag and at the time thought it was the Chinese flag (oops). I told everyone this vision and was like yeah I think God wants me to go to China! And after a couple people Steph was like, "wait the red dot… isn't that the Japanese flag?" And that changed everything. Lol. YWAM Herrnhut has never sent a team to Japan and never mentioned it to us as students, but they also had Japan on their hearts. When the location choices came up, Japan appeared and I jumped on it. That was 2 months ago and I am still questioning what I got myself into but I know God is all over this.
That being said, I misjudged the amount of money I would need coming here due to the large number of hidden costs (Europe is not cheap and what happened to the Canadian dollar while I've been here- what the heck) and very expensive outreach fee for our locations. If you would like to support me through finances (and prayer!) that would be amazing. In order to do everything we want to do in our outreach countries I will need to raise around $1000.00 CAD. You can message me on Facebook or email me at sara.crowe@hotmail.com if you want to!
I will actually be deactivating my Facebook for the month of December so I won't answer to any messages starting Dec.2!
ALSO I would absolutely love to be adding photos! But my camera and iPhone are still missing in Hamburg! The frustration this has caused me is immense and I would so appreciate prayer that it'd be back in my possession!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh,
THANK YOU for reading this and I am so sorry it's the only blogpost I've put up in months… time (and proper internet connection. mostly proper internet connection.) is a very rare virtue here in Germany… :)
Love Sara. :D
Oh and just let me say, THE FAITHFULNESS OF GOD THROUGH HIS CHILDREN IS IMMENSE. I've been so encouraged, SO encouraged, by people and their kindness and their GENEROSITY and the way they would carry my burdens when I was in need (like how 4 different people offered their cameras to me. what.). And how people would take time to send me messages and letters and parcels and scriptures and impressions. I'm so overwhelmed. I can feel failed in so many ways and then these people, these incredible yet completely normal people blow me away. Every time, every single time someone encourages me, I can see Christ sitting in their place. I don't think people are aware of the way He spews out of their every action and encouraging word. It's a beautiful thing, when we die to ourselves and invite this guy in! He does such an amazing job.
This is my desire, to be used by you.
 |
| Outreach Team! |
